A recently widowed Jewish lady was sitting on
a beach towel at Ormond Beach, Florida.
She looked up and saw that a man her age had walked up,
placed his blanket on the sand nearby and had begun to read a book.
Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. "Hi there, how >are you?"
"Fine, thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book.
"I love the beach. Do you come here often?" she asked.
"First time since my wife passed away last year,"
he replied, and again turned back to his book.
"Do you live around here?" she asked.
"Yes, I live over in Plantation Bay,"
he answered, and then resumed reading.
Trying to find a topic of common interest, Sarah persisted.
"Do you like pussy cats?"
With that, the man threw his book down,
jumped off his blanket onto hers,
tore off both their swimsuits and gave her the most passionate ride of her
life!
As the cloud of sand began to settle, Sarah gasped
and asked the man,
"How did you know that was what I wanted?"
The man replied,
"How did you know my name was Katz ?"
*************************************************
Young Afghan
Team owner Jeffery Lurie had put together the perfect team for the
Philadelphia Eagles.
The only thing missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all
the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he
Couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl victory.
One night while watching CNN, he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan.
In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghani soldier
with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a
window from 80 yards away. Then he threw another from 50 yards
down a chimney, and finally hit a passing car going 80 miles per hour.
"I've got to get this guy!" Lurie said to himself " He has the perfect arm!"
He brings the young Afghan to the States and teaches him the great
game of football ...sure enough the Eagles go on to win the Super
Bowl.
The young Afghan is hailed as a hero of football, and when the coach
asks him what he wants, all the young man wants to do is call his
mother. "Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl.
"I don't want to talk to you," the old Muslim woman says. "You
deserted us. You are not my son."
"Mother, I don't think you understand," pleads the son, "I've just
won the greatest sporting event in the world!"
"No! Let me tell you," his mother retorts, "At this very moment there
are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble.
Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last
week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!"
The old lady pauses then tearfully says,
" I will never forgive you for making us move to Philadelphia!
**************************************************
From George Carlin's Solution to Save Gasoline:
Bush wants us to cut the amount of gas we use. The best way to stop using
so much gas is to deport 11 million illegal immigrants! That would be 11
million less people using our gas. The price of gas would come down. Bring
our troops home from Iraq to guard the border. When they catch an illegal
immigrant crossing the border, hand him a canteen, rifle and some ammo and
ship him to Iraq Tell him if he wants to come to America then he must serve
a tour in the military. Give him a soldier's pay while he's there and tax
him on it. After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he
defended this country. He will also be registered to be taxed and be a
legal patriot. This option will probably deter illegal immigration and
provide a solution for the troops in Iraq and the aliens trying to make a
better life for themselves. If they refuse to serve, ship them to Iraq
anyway, without the canteen, rifle or ammo. Problem solved. If you think
this is a good solution to both the problems, forward it to your friends.
I just did.
George Carlin
http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/carlingas.asp
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