Cyber Sex / You'll Die Laughing (Adult Language)

BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the fuck, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA:...
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you fuck up.
eminemBNJA: Oh
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something

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Bloodninja: I lick your earlobe, and undo your watch.
Sarah19fca: mmmm, okay.
Bloodninja: I take yo pants off, grunting like a troll.
Sarah19fca: Yeah I like it rough.
Bloodninja: I smack you thick booty.
Sarah19fca: Oh yeah, that feels good.
Bloodninja: Smack, Smack, yeeeaahhh.
Bloodninja: I make some toast and eat it off your ass. Land O' Lakes butter all in your crack. Mmmm.
Sarah19fca: you like that?
Bloodninja: I peel some bananas.
Sarah19fca: Oh, what are you gonna do with those?
Bloodninja: get me peanuts. Peanuts from the ballpark.
Sarah19fca: Peanuts?
Bloodninja: Ken Griffey Jr. Yeaaaaahhh.
Sarah19fca: What are you talking about?
Bloodninja: I'm spent, I jump down into the alley and smoke a fatty. I throw rocks at the cats.
Sarah19fca: This is stupid.
Bloodninja: Stone Cold Steve Austin gives me some beer.
Bloodninja: Wanna Wrestle Stone Cold?
Bloodninja: Yeeaahhhh.
Sarah19fca: /ignore
Bloodninja: Its cool stone cold she was a bitch anyway.
Bloodninja: We get on harleys and ride into the sunset.

---------------

Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
DirtyKate: K, but don't tell anybody ;-)
DirtyKate: Who are you?
Bloodninja: I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot
Bloodninja: And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's in my Geo Storm.
DirtyKate: You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..
Bloodninja: Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and make an order
DirtyKate: Haha! OK
DirtyKate: Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce.
Bloodninja: Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's, how may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?
DirtyKate: I want everything, baby!
Bloodninja: Is this a delivery?
DirtyKate: Umm...Yes
DirtyKate: So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home alone... and I think I'll take a shower...
Bloodninja: Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I'll drive to your house.
**pause**
DirtyKate: I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!
Bloodninja: You can't hurry good pizza.
Bloodninja: I'm on my way now though
**pause**
DirtyKate: So you're at my front door now.
Bloodninja: How did you know?
Bloodninja: I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee table.
Bloodninja: Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza oven
DirtyKate: ooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold. Warm me up baby
Bloodninja: So you're still in the bathroom?
DirtyKate: Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.
Bloodninja: I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....
DirtyKate: What the fuck?
DirtyKate: You perverted piece of shit
DirtyKate: Fuck

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Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
MommyMelissa: Sure, you into vegetables?
Bloodninja: What like gardening an shit?
MommyMelissa: Yeah, something like that.
Bloodninja: Nuthin turns me on more, check this out
Bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
(pause)
MommyMelissa: is that it?
Bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.
Bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
MommyMelissa: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
(pause)
Bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... Sexily.
Bloodninja: I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.
MommyMelissa: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
Bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
Bloodninja: Damn baby your right, this shit is HOT.
MommyMelissa: ...
Bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
MommyMelissa: What the fuck is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
Bloodninja: Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. Bitch.
MommyMelissa: whatever.

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bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl 8 Penis of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty Fuck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't fuck with me biznitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of shit.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?

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bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They fucking charge your ass.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja: Fuck am I hard now.

-----------------------------

BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the fuck, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA:...
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you fuck up.
eminemBNJA: Oh
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something

---------------------------

sweet17: Hi
bloodninja: hello
bloodninja: who is this?
sweet17: just a someone?
bloodninja: A someone I know?
sweet17: nope
bloodninja: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
sweet17: well sorrrrrry
sweet17: I just wanted to chat with you
bloodninja: why?
sweet17: nevermind your an jerk
bloodninja: Hey wait a minute
sweet17: yes?
bloodninja: look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid
sweet17: paranoid?
bloodninja: yes
sweet17: of what?
sweet17: me?
bloodninja: No. I'm in hiding.
sweet17: LOL
bloodninja: Don't fucking laugh at me!
bloodninja: This shit is serious!
sweet17: What are you hiding from?
bloodninja: The cops.
sweet17: gimme a fucking break
bloodninja: I'm serious.
sweet17: I don't get it
bloodninja: The cops are after me.
sweet17: For what?
bloodninja: I'm wanted in three states
sweet17: For???
bloodninja: It's kindof embarrasing.
bloodninja: I had sex with a turkey.
bloodninja: Hello?
sweet17: You are fucking sick.
bloodninja: Send me your picture.
sweet17: why?
bloodninja: so I know you aren't one of them.
sweet17: One of what?
bloodninja: The cops.
sweet17: I'm not a cop i told you
bloodninja: Then send me your picture.
sweet17: hold on
bloodninja: Hurry up.
bloodninja: Are you there?
bloodninja: Fuck you, cop!
sweet17: Hey sorry
sweet17: I had to do something for my mom.
bloodninja: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
bloodninja: When really you were notifying the authorities.
bloodninja: Weren't you!?
sweet17: thats not it
bloodninja: Then what?
sweet17: I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty
bloodninja: Most cops aren't
sweet17: IM NOT A FUCKING COP YOU SHITHEAD!
bloodninja: Then send me the picture.
sweet17: fine. What's your e-mail?
bloodninja: Just send it through here.
sweet17: alright *PIC*
sweet17: Did you get it?
bloodninja: Hold on. I'm looking.
sweet17: That was me back in may
sweet17: I've lost weight since then.
bloodninja: I hope so
sweet17: what?!?
sweet17: that hurt my feelings.
bloodninja: Did it?
sweet17: Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.
bloodninja: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
sweet17: yes
bloodninja: Alright let me find it.
sweet17: kks
bloodninja: Okay here it is. *PIC*
sweet17: this isn't you.
bloodninja: I'll be damned if it ain't!
sweet17: You don't look like that.
bloodninja: How the hell do you know?
sweet17: cause your profile has another picture.
bloodninja: The profile pic is a fake.
bloodninja: I use it to hide from the cops.
sweet17: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
bloodninja: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....
bloodninja: Not to mention all the groceries.
sweet17: Go fuck yourself
bloodninja: I was going to until I saw that picture
bloodninja: Now my unit won't get hard for a week.
sweet17: I shouldn't have sent you that picture.
sweet17: You've done nothing but slam me.
sweet17: you hurt me.
bloodninja: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?
sweet17: I thought you were bullcrapping me!
bloodninja: Why would I do that?
sweet17: I can't believe that cops are after you
bloodninja: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
sweet17: FUCK YOU!!!
bloodninja: You'd break both of his legs.
sweet17: You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE!
sweet17: I've been teased my whole life because of my weight
sweet17: and you make fun of me when you don't even know me
bloodninja: Ok. I'm sorry.
sweet17: No you aren't
bloodninja: You're right. I'm not.
bloodninja: HAARRRRR!
sweet17: I'm done with you
bloodninja: Aww. I'm sorry.
sweet17: I'm putting you on ignore
bloodninja: Wait a sec
bloodninja: We got off on the wrong foot.
bloodninja: Wanna start over?
sweet17: No
bloodninja: I'll eat your kitty
sweet17: You'll what?
bloodninja: You heard me.
bloodninja: I said I'd eat your kitty.
sweet17: I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my picture
bloodninja: Do I need a hard-on to eat your kitty?
sweet17: I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
bloodninja: Well I'm not like most men.
bloodninja: I get excited in different ways.
sweet17: Like what?
bloodninja: Do you really wanna know?
sweet17: I don't know
bloodninja: You have to tell me yes or no.
sweet17: I'm afraid to
bloodninja: Why?
sweet17: cause
bloodninja: cause why?
sweet17: well lets see
sweet17: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out
sweet17: doesn't that seem strange to you?
bloodninja: Nope
sweet17: well its strange to me
bloodninja: Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to
sweet17: I didn't say that
bloodninja: So is that a yes?
sweet17: I guess so.
bloodninja: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
bloodninja: Are you willing?
sweet17: What do you need me to do?
bloodninja: I need you talk like a pirate.
sweet17: ???
bloodninja: When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!"
bloodninja: ok?
bloodninja: Hello?
sweet17: You can't be serious
bloodninja: Oh yes I am!
bloodninja: It's my fantasy.
sweet17: this is retarded
bloodninja: Do you want it or not?
sweet17: Yes I want it.
bloodninja: Then you'll do it for me?
sweet17: sure
bloodninja: Ok. Here we go.
bloodninja: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
bloodninja: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them
bloodninja: I softly begin to tounge your wet kitty.
bloodninja: I run my tounge up and down your smooth clit.
sweet17: mmmm yeah
bloodninja: uh oh ...going limp.
sweet17: Har
bloodninja: You gotta do better than that!
bloodninja: Your picture was really bad.
sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
bloodninja: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your kitty get more moist with every stroke.
bloodninja: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth.
bloodninja: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
bloodninja: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
sweet17: mmmmmm you are good
bloodninja: I feel your thighs tighten as I suck harder
bloodninja: going limp
sweet17: HARRRRRRR
bloodninja: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
bloodninja: You begin to sway back and forth.
bloodninja: going limp
sweet17: this is stupid
bloodninja: ...still limp
bloodninja: Do it!
sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
bloodninja: I turn you around to lick your asshole.
bloodninja: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
bloodninja: I see poo nuggets hanging from the hair around your ass.
sweet17: WTF?!?!?
bloodninja: They stink really bad.
sweet17: OMG STOP!!!
bloodninja: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
bloodninja: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
bloodninja: I ram it up your ass.
sweet17: YOURE A FUCKING PYSCHO!!
bloodninja: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
bloodninja: And turn you into a fucking candy apple...
bloodninja: I kick you in the face!
sweet17: FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!!
bloodninja: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin...
bloodninja: Your parrot flys away.
bloodninja: ...going limp again.
bloodninja: Hello?
bloodninja: Say it!
bloodninja: HAARRRRRR!!!!!

---------------------------------

Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?
Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 280 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.
Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?
Wellhung: OK
Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.
Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.
Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.
Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.
Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk slides off my warm skin.I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.
Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse.I'm sorry.
Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.
Wellhung: I'll pay for it.
Sweetheart: Don't worry about it.I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.
Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?
Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.
Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.
Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.
Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!
Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.
Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.
Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.
Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.
Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.
Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.
Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.
Sweetheart: What's the matter?
Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.
Sweetheart: Are you OK?
Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.
Sweetheart: Can I help?
Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?
Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.
Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.
Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.
Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.
Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.
Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?
Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
Wellhung: I found it.
Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.
Wellhung: Me too.
Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing each other.
Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.
Sweetheart: Why don't you take off your glasses?
Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.
Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!
Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.
Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.
Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.
Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.
Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!
Sweetheart: What's the matter now?
Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.
Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.
Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing.
Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!
Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.
Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!
Wellhung: I'm flaccid.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.
Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.
Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.
Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.
Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.
Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.
Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.
Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!
Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!

--------------------------------

Partner6: So you're really a 18 yr old girl right?
J-Dogg: Yeah, J for Julie.
Partner6: So whats with the "Dogg"
J-Dogg: Uh, It's cause I'm into the latina gangs and shit. You know, rollin with tha homies and shit.
Partner6: Oh, uh ok thats cool. So you ever seen a gun?
J-Dogg: Yeah like I got 6 guns.
Partner6: Thats cool, so you wanna see my gun?
J-Dogg: hehe, of course baby.
Partner6: I pull off my pants and show you my "gun".
J-Dogg: Ohh, it's so big.
Partner6: Yeah, what you want to do?
J-Dogg: Umm, i guess stroke it or something.
Partner6: It likes that.
J-Dogg: aight.
Partner6: Keep talking to me baby...
J-Dogg: I kiss you on the mouth, hard, but then gently.
Partner6: Mmmm, daddy like.
J-Dogg: I unzip my pants...
Partner6: Yes, show me what you got.
J-Dogg: I pull out my schlong, and rub it on your breasts...
Partner6: WTF?!
J-Dogg: Oh shit, I meant, your schlong! your schlong!
Partner6: I've had it with you queers trying to cyber me, I only fuck women...
J-Dogg: Shit just don't shoot me man, I wasn't serious about the guns I have, I'm unarmed!
Partner6: You dipshit.
J-Dogg: I whimper to myself...
J-Dogg: please don't shoot me Mr.

--------------------------------

J-Dogg: I see you in line at the supermarket. Our eyes meet.
Partner8: Who the fuck are you?
J-Dogg: I mouth the words to you, as if in slow motion:
J-Dogg: Fuck me, Fuck me.
J-Dogg: My wishes are like poetry in your eyes. We want this moment to last forever.
Partner8: OMFG are you trying to cyber me?
J-Dogg: We are like two dancers, for whom the music never stops. I Kiss the top of your hand. You are taken aback by the bulge that forms in your thigh.
Partner8: Is that like cancer?
J-Dogg: If cancer is our love, then I hope you don't have the technology of chemotherapy.
Partner8: Good one romeo.
J-Dogg: You grab the bulge that you feel. you tihink it must be taking over your mind, theres nothing else you can think of. My tubesteak to you is like a beautiful japanese haiku.
The salmon swim at night.
Towards your room.
The snow and the moon.
Partner8: that was never a haiku.
J-Dogg: To your light bulb I am the Thomas Edison of your sex. Withought my light you would be lost in a sea of darkness.
Partner8: That made even less sense than your "haiku"
J-Dogg: So you ready to fuck then?
Partner8: You unbutton my pants, spew your load at the sight of my underwear, and your spent.
J-Dogg: ...
Partner8: ?
J-Dogg: I'm spent.

----------------------------------

J-dogg: Hey
QT-Pie: Hey
J-dogg: whats goin on
QT-Pie: Nothing. Who are you?
J-dogg: J-dogg. Wanna cyber?
QT-Pie: what does that mean?
J-dogg: what are you wearing?
QT-Pie: T-shirt. Jeans.
J-dogg: Garter belt?
QT-Pie: Ummm...no.
J-dogg:Are we gonna cyber or not?
QT-Pie: uh, okay.
J-dogg: Sweet, I start by rubbing your ass all around. You love this.
J-dogg: You're wet already. I can smell your pussy stink from here.
QT-Pie: WHAT?!
J-dogg: I execute standing position 12 from the Kama Sutra. Passion fills the room. Your head is close to the ceiling fan.
J-dogg: You leave everything to J-dogg.
J-dogg: I am completely inside of you. You are my dick puppet. I put on a little play.
QT-Pie: This is weird. I should go.
J-dogg: I drop you on the ground, and lay a stripe down your back.
QT-Pie: A stripe?
J-dogg: I need a sandwich.
QT-Pie: You're a freak.
J-dogg: I was great. You loved it.

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J-Dogg: You there baby??
Partner2: Yeah I'm here.
J-Dogg: You ready?
Partner2: Okay.
J-Dogg: I take off my trenchcoat I'm nekked beneath, with pistols on my belt.
Partner2: Cowboy boots?
J-Dogg: WWI era trench issue boots.
Partner2: okay...
J-Dogg: Help me pull my boots off baby.
Partner2: Whats that smell?
J-Dogg: Rotting toes.
Partner2: Ummm...
J-Dogg: My boots pop off. My feet are black. The toes crumble off with the slightest touch. The dead black tissue that was once my skin chips off in large crispy flakes. A smell of death pervades the room. Gangrenous pus drips from the ends of the stumps where my toes were. I look deep in your eyes, and shove my tongue down your throat.
Partner2: ...
J-Dogg: You carress my ass, and trim my pubes...

Brandon Vedas aka "Ripper" / The Live Chatroom Suicide Of Brandon Vedas

Tragedy in a Chatroom

January 12th 2003 a young College Student by the name of Brandon Vedas, age 21 died from an overdose of prescription drugs and alcohol. We know this happens every day and it is always sad when it does. Why is this case different than the others? Because it took place while Brandon was on his computer in a chatroom on Efnet called #shroomery. A full channel watched Brandon on his webcam take pill after pill washing it down with alcohol chasers. " I told u I was hardcore" he says to the voyeurs watching him. Some warned him to be careful. Others taunted him to go further. "That's not much," said a teenager from rural Oklahoma who calls himself Smoke2K. "Eat more. I wanna see if you survive or if you just black out."

Brandon Vedas, AKA "ripper,"

On January 12, 2003, Brandon Vedas, AKA "ripper," died of a massive overdose of prescription drugs while onlookers cheered him on in an IRC chat room.

This site is dedicated to the memory of Brandon, and to the education and prevention of future tragedies. Despite all his knowledge, Brandon made some poor choices that night. Like many addicts, he hid his abuse from many who could help. Like many who struggle with drugs, he thought he was always in control. Like many who fall into the dark world of serious narcotics, he thought it was all a game that he could always beat. Tragically, this time he lost.


Brandon Carl Vedas, 21, of Phoenix, Arizona, passed - away January 12, 2003.
Brandon loved life and always tried to live it to the fullest. Whether online or in person, Brandon had his own unique way of doing things. He will be greatly missed by his mother and stepfather, Nancy and Oliver Russell, his father and stepmother, Richard and Deborah Vedas, his 2 brothers, Richard and Brett, his 2 sisters, Valerie and Jill, his stepbrother, Sean, and a friend that did so much to help him, Glenn Laucus. A special service will be held on Saturday, January 18, 2003 at 10 AM at South Mountain Park, Ramada 4. Brandon will always be remembered by his family, friends, and the online communities he was involved with.
Published in The Arizona Republic on 1/16/2003.

These are the actual log's of the IRC chatroom the night of Brandon's suicide. I'll warn you that it is kind of creepy and even a little morbid reading them... BJC

Log 1

Log 2

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP)

The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) is the only national not-for-profit organization exclusively dedicated to understanding and preventing suicide through research and education, and to reaching out to people with mood disorders and those affected by suicide.

Hillary Clinton 1984 / Vote NO To Hillary Clinton In 08

‘Vote Different’ maker steps forward, loses job

Government technology Elections
Ariana Huffington was about to out Philip de Vellis - a designer with the firm that created Barack Obama's website - as the creator of the infamous Vote Different YouTube video, which mashes up Apple's 1984 ad with Hillary Clinton's own campaign imagery to create a compelling online ad for Obama, the SF Chronicle reports.

Obama: Clinton Ad Captured Imagination

LAS VEGAS — Sen. Barack Obama said Friday that his campaign had nothing to do with a Web ad portraying his chief rival for the Democratic president nomination as an Orwellian figure.

Nevertheless, Obama said declined to denounce the ad, which depicts Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton of New York as Big Brother. He said the ad apparently "captured the public's imagination."

Obama said the ad was produced by a renegade employee of a company hired by his campaign to help design his Web site. The employee, Philip de Vellis, has since left Blue State, a Washington-based consulting firm, and has said he produced the ad on his own time.





Hillary Clinton Gear at Cafepress
Barack Obama Gear at Cafepress

Dancing With The Stars Gold Digging Wife / Heather Mills/McCartney Is No Star

I thought the idea behind "Dancing With The Stars" was to partner a "Star" with someone. Since when is Heather Mills/McCartney a "Star" ? Whats Next, dancing with Howard K Stern ? Maybe a better name for this show would be "Dancing With Whoever Is In The News This Week"... BJC

Heather receives good luck bouquet from Paul

Despite their ongoing divorce case, Heather Mills says she still gets on so well with her estranged husband Sir Paul McCartney that he sent her a bunch of 'good luck' blooms ahead of her Dancing With The Stars debut. The mum-of-one told of the special delivery during a run of appearances on American TV after she strutted her stuff on the dance show last Monday.

Mills Blames McCartney's Lawyer For Ills

Heather Mills, the estranged wife of ex-Beatle Paul McCartney, blames McCartney's attorneys in London for gumming up divorce proceedings.

Mills, in Los Angeles as a contestant on the U.S. reality show, "Dancing With The Stars," said McCartney's attorney, Fiona Shackleton, was making the process as "difficult as possible," the London Telegraph said.


And speaking of Sir Paul McCartney. It is official,he is the first to sign on to the new "Starbucks" Label... BJC

Paul McCartney First To Have His Music Served with Lattes

If last week Starbucks Coffee Company announced they would form their own record label, this week they confirmed their first musician to release an album under the chain’s new Hear Music record label, it's none other than Paul McCartney.

McCartney revealed the move during a satellite-broadcast appearance from London, at the company’s annual meeting in Seattle.

"I've been working on it for a little while," McCartney said. "The songs are a little bit retrospective, some are of now, and some hark back to the past. All of them are songs I'm very proud of."

Starbucks and McCartney make music together

PAUL McCartney has become the first artist signed by a new record label set up by Starbucks, as the coffee chain seeks to expand its powerful brand into the entertainment business.
The former Beatle's next album, scheduled for release in June, will be distributed by the label through Starbucks coffee shops and traditional music outlets.
Starbucks announced last week that it was launching a recording business called Hear Music in a joint venture with Los Angeles-based Concord Music Group.

Paul McCartney at CD Universe

The Beatles at CD Universe

Penn and Teller On The Drug War / Sheriff Joe Arpaio Is A Facist Pig

This three part series is from the show "Penn and Teller Bullshit" show. It is a no bullshit look at the so called "War On Drugs" in the United States and shows what a failure it is. Pay close attention to that asshole Joe Arpaio and what his idea of a free America would be if he had his way. Sounds like a facist pig if you ask me but I ask you all to watch all three parts and make your own minds up... BJC

Jon's Jail Journal

Tent City - Arpaio’s shameful creation

Guest editorial by Pearl M. Wilson, co-founder, Mothers Against Arpaio (MAA)
Sonoran News 25 Aug 05

Letter to Maricopa County Board of Supervisors

I would like to bring to your attention a problem in Maricopa County; one that I believe you are already familiar with. The problem is Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio and his greatest source of nationwide publicity, the infamous Tent City.

Drug War Gear At Cafepress

This guy is #1 on my list of Whats wrong with this country today.Nazi,Racist, Facist Pig "Joe Arpaio...

The School Play

Two little boys in first grade were chosen to be the leads in their first
school play. It was to be a Shakespearean play.
The first little boy was to say, "My fair maiden....I have come to snatch a
kiss and fill your soul with hope."
The second little boy was to reply by saying, "Hark!, a pistol shot."
Well, on opening night in the school auditorium, the two little boys were a
bit nervous, knowing that all the seats were going to be filled
with grown-ups.
The teacher told them to take their places on the stage and to remember to
speak very loud as soon as the curtain goes up.
The curtain rose and looking out upon the audience the two boys were
terrified.
They stood there frozen. So the teacher whispered for them to begin.
The first boy yelled out these unforgettable words.....
"My fair maiden.... I have come to kiss your snatch! And fill your hole
with soap."
The second boy screams out....."Hark! a shistol pot, a postle shiss, a pot
of shit, horse shit, this is bull shit... I never wanted to be in this
lousy play anyway...

The audience left howling.

How Fast Are Your Reactions ?

See how fast your reaction time is with this little test... BJC

Test Your Reaction Time

Walmart Job Interview

An office manger at Wal-Mart was given the task of hiring an individual
to
fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found
four
people who were equally qualified.

He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question.
Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table. The
interviewer asked, "What is the fastest thing you know of?"

Acknowledging the first man on his right, the man replied, "A THOUGHT."
It
just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the way; it's
just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of."
"That's very good!" replied the interviewer. "And now You sir?"
He asked the second man.

"Hmm.! .. Let me see. A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that
it
ever happened. A BL INK is the fastest thing I know of.
"Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye, that's a very
popular cliché for speed."

He then turned to the third man who was contemplating his reply.

"Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall
there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the
pasture the light in the barn comes on in less than an instant.
Yep,TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of."

The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he
had
found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light,"
he said.

Turning to Bubba, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the
same
question. Old Bubba replied, "After hearing the three previous answers,
It's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA."

"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response.

"Oh I can explain." said Old Bubba. "You see the other day I wasn't
feeling
so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but, before I could THINK, BLINK, or
TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already shit my pants."

Old Bubba is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you!

Military Cutbacks Phase One

This is "Phase One" of the military cutbacks. Wait until Hilary gets her hands on it...

Darla Clark Is A Busy Gal / Email Scams From Darla Clark

Darla Clark is one busy gal these days.She sent me two emails on the same day.The first was to inform me that I have won the "British Lottery" and the second was an offer to become a "Representative" for the import/export business.How lucky can one guy be to win the lottery and get a job all in one day. Thanks alot Darla Clark but no thanks... BJC
P.S. Notice how Darla Clark is never even mentioned in either email even though she was the one who sent the emails ? An obvious clue that your being scammed.

BRITISH LOTTERY6/49
12 Whitehall ,
London SW1A 2DY

We are notifying you on our Online Draw held on 07/03/07 where your Email won a total sum of
�103,968.00 in our Online Lottery Draw. Ticket no: 0214619275, File no:2113-05, Lucky no:
04-14-25-35-42-48 bonus no:37.

You can verify your winnings online below: http://www.lotteries.com/lotteries/wnbritish649.jsp

You are to contact the below Barrister to start processing of your winnings on your behalf and
also furnish him with all your winnings informations:
Barrister Frank Scott
Phone:+(44)-701-1129-379
Email: info_britishlottery147@yahoo.com.hk
(1) FULL NAME
(2) FULL ADDRESS
(3) NATIONALITY
(4) AGE
(5) OCCUPATION
(6 )TELEPHONE NUMBER
(7) SEX
(8) TOTAL AMOUNT WON

Congratulation!!!!!!!!!

Sincerely,
Cecilia Daniels Mrs


Email #2 The Import/Export Offer...



Dear Sir/Madam,

It is my pleasure to write to you in respect of ourorganisation. We are experts in the sale of raw materials.We export intothe Australia/America/Europe and some parts asia. We are searching forrepresentatives who can help us establish a medium of getting our fundsfrom our costumers in the Canada/America/Europe,
as well as makingpayments through these representatives to us.

We decide to make thisopportunity open due to bogus tax and banking logistics problem.
Ourcompany export raw materials such as non-metallic minerals such asCalcite, Barytes, Manganese Dioxide, Dolomite, Mica, China, clay,Mangnese Dioxide, Ferrous (Iron) Oxide. The various industries we caterto are Paints, Rubber, Plastics, Construction chemicals.
Our salesvary from different sizes as you will be sent a full schedule of ouryearly export and net income on your partnership and competence with usin due course.

We will also like to note here that acting as mypayment agent in your country, in other words, you will be collectingpayment from customers we supply goods to.

By doing this on mybehalf you will be paid 15% of very amount that you collect. This is howit goes whenever there is a payment to be made by any of my customersyou will be sent cash which you later send to me with the account weshall provide you.

But payment can also come in check or moneyorder or wire transfer to your account which will be written in yourname and in the case of check you will have to deposit in your accountfor the check to clear. We hope to have informed you correctly and waitto hear from you soon so we can advice you on the very next step to takein this endeavor.
Particulars will be given in due course.

Information required from you is as follows:
1. Your fullnames............
2. Contact Address.......
3. CompanyAddress........
4. Your telephone and fax number.......
5. MaritalStatus........
6. Your Age........
7.Occupation......
8.Country..........


Please if interested intransacting businness in view of helping us,so our clients could makepayment to you being our representative,
we will be very glad.Compensations will be given and other benefits.

contact us for moreinformation, if this proposal is acceptable to you.Please get back to usas our representative in Canada/America/Europe as your location shalldetermine.

For futherinformations and enquiries, you could write backto:

Mr Gilbert Murray (VicePresident)
Email:gilmurray_oscartradings@yahoo.co.uk
Oscar TradingCompany Company
as well as makingpayments through these representatives to us.

We decide to make thisopportunity open due to bogus tax and banking logistics problem.
Ourcompany export raw materials such as non-metallic minerals such asCalcite, Barytes, Manganese Dioxide, Dolomite, Mica, China, clay,Mangnese Dioxide, Ferrous (Iron) Oxide. The various industries we caterto are Paints, Rubber, Plastics, Construction chemicals.
Our salesvary from different sizes as you will be sent a full schedule of ouryearly export and net income on your partnership and competence with usin due course.

We will also like to note here that acting as mypayment agent in your country, in other words, you will be collectingpayment from customers we supply goods to.

By doing this on mybehalf you will be paid 15% of very amount that you collect. This is howit goes whenever there is a payment to be made by any of my customersyou will be sent cash which you later send to me with the account weshall provide you.

But payment can also come in check or moneyorder or wire transfer to your account which will be written in yourname and in the case of check you will have to deposit in your accountfor the check to clear. We hope to have informed you correctly and waitto hear from you soon so we can advice you on the very next step to takein this endeavor.
Particulars will be given in due course.

Information required from you is as follows:
1. Your fullnames............
2. Contact Address.......
3. CompanyAddress........
4. Your telephone and fax number.......
5. MaritalStatus........
6. Your Age........
7.Occupation......
8.Country..........


Please if interested intransacting businness in view of helping us,so our clients could makepayment to you being our representative,
we will be very glad.Compensations will be given and other benefits.

contact us for moreinformation, if this proposal is acceptable to you.Please get back to usas our representative in Canada/America/Europe as your location shalldetermine.

For futherinformations and enquiries, you could write backto:

Mr Gilbert Murray (VicePresident)
Email:gilmurray_oscartradings@yahoo.co.uk
Oscar TradingCompany Company

We anticipate your earliest response in thisregard.

"Bong Hits For Jesus" / Don't Bogart That Joint Jesus

Justices hear "Bong Hits 4 Jesus" case

WASHINGTON (AP) -- A high school principal was acting reasonably and in accord with the school's anti-drug mission when she suspended a student for displaying a "Bong Hits 4 Jesus" banner, her lawyer told the Supreme Court Monday.

"The message here is, in fact, critical," the lawyer, former independent counsel Kenneth Starr, said during a lively argument about whether the principal violated the constitutional rights of the student.

On the other side, attorney Douglas Mertz of Juneau, Alaska, urged the justices to see the case as being about free speech, not drugs. (Watch why "bong hits" are on the court's plate )

The dispute between Joseph Frederick, who in 2002 was a high school senior, and principal Deborah Morse has become an important test of the limits on the free speech rights of students.

'Bong hits for Jesus' banner focus of free-speech fight

LOS ANGELES: It has been billed as the most important student free-speech case since the Vietnam War. The justices of the US Supreme Court are poised to decide whether a school was wrong to punish a student for displaying a banner reading "Bong hits for Jesus".

Five years ago Joseph Frederick, then an 18-year-old student at a high school in Juneau, Alaska, spelled out the phrase in gaffer tape on a four-metre banner. His aim, he said, was to get on television as the Olympic torch for the 2002 Salt Lake City Winter Olympics passed through town - and to annoy his principal.

Stop the Drug War (DRCNet)

Stop the Drug War (DRCNet) is an international organization working for an end to drug prohibition worldwide and for interim policy reform in US drug laws and criminal justice system. Read more about DRCNet.

Cannabis and the Christ: Jesus used Marijuana

Jesus used Marijuana

As doubtful as the following hypothesis might first seem to the reader, I might as well boldly state my case right from the start: either Jesus used marijuana or he was not the Christ. The very word "Christ", by the implication of its linguistic origins and true meaning, gives us the most profound evidence that Jesus did in fact use the same herb as his ancient semitic ancestors, and which is still used by people around the world for its enlightening and healing properties.

Smoke For Jesus

Last week, the Supreme Court ruled in favor of pain. And not just pain, but severe, crippling pain—the kind of pain you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy.

For years, people in less than a dozen states have been smoking medical marijuana to help cope with such things as brain tumors and multiple sclerosis. The federal government, however, sees such attempts at pain relief as selfish. These people are undermining the war on drugs, the feds say. And, last week, the Supreme Court agreed. In a 6-3 ruling, the court confirmed that federal anti-drug laws overrule state medical marijuana laws. Federal power is far more important than some cancer-havin’ stoner’s excruciating pain. So now the feds can feel free to bust anyone who smokes, grows, prescribes, or distributes medical marijuana, even if they live in one of the few states where doing so was approved democratically.




Bong Hits For Jesus at Cafepress
Drug War at Cafepress

Three NYC Cops Indicted For Killing Unarmed Sean Bell / Fifty Rounds In The Groom

NYC grand jury indicts three officers

NEW YORK --Two police officers involved in a 50-bullet barrage that killed an unarmed man on his wedding day were indicted on charges of manslaughter, and a third faces a misdemeanor charge, a person familiar with the investigation said Saturday.
The officers were indicted Friday by a grand jury that had deliberated for three days over whether to bring charges in the death of Sean Bell, who was shot while leaving a bachelor party last November

3 Detectives Are Indicted in 50-Shot Killing in Queens

A grand jury voted yesterday to indict three city police detectives — two black men and a white man — in the killing of an unarmed 23-year-old black man who died in a burst of 50 police bullets outside a Queens strip club hours before he was to be wed last year, defense lawyers and police union leaders said last night.

"Bulls" Eye

Here's a look at every bullet fired last year by New York City cops, as reported in the police department's 1993 Firearms Discharge Assault Report:

TARGETS - SHOTS FIRED - HITS

At perpetrators - 928 - 173

At dogs - 155 - 111

Accidental discharges - 43 - 17

To protect other officer - 18 - 10

Police officer intoxicated - 10 - 0

Suicide - 8 - 8

Into locker - 6 - 0

At vehicle - 5 - 0

At girlfriend - 3 - 3

Attempting suicide - 3 - 2

Threatening suicide - 1 - 0

At wife - 1 - 1

At beer can - 1 - 0

Contagious Cop Shooting

Yesterday I wrote about Sean Bell, the 23 year old who was gunned down Saturday night in a hail of gunfire by New York cops, hours before his Sunday wedding.

Today's New York Times has another article on the shooting, with one officer suggesting the phenomenon of "contagious shooting" took over:

Cop-involved shootings steady, statistics show

Police shootings are not on the rise this year, despite perceptions following the fatal shooting of Sean Bell last month and two other police-involved incidents this week. However, the number of fatal police-involved shootings is up this year.

The actual number of cop shootings is about the same as it was last year, according to statistics from the NYPD obtained by amNewYork.

Khalid Shaikh Mohammed / Sympathy For The Devil

No trial is the error for justice

Among all his various admissions, two were particularly chilling: One was his acceptance of total responsibility for the atrocities committed on Sept. 11, 2001. "I was responsible for the 9/11 operation from A to Z," the U.S.-educated onetime engineer told the tribunal. The other was his pseudo-pious description of murdering Wall Street Journal reporter Daniel Pearl. According to the transcript released by military authorities, Mohammed told the panel, "I decapitated with my blessed right hand the head of the American Jew, Daniel Pearl, in the city of Karachi, Pakistan. For those who would like to confirm, there are pictures of me on the Internet holding his head."

A chilling message to the world

The confessions of Khalid Shaikh Mohammad send a bone-chilling message to the world - allow Al Qaida to regroup in any way in its former haven in Afghanistan and the world will be a far, far more dangerous place than it is today.

Clearly the arrest of the Kuwaiti-born terrorist who claims he masterminded 9/11, personally beheaded the Wall Street Journal's Daniel Pearl in a Taliban-Al Qaida hideout in Karachi, Pakistan and planned 29 other terror operations was a huge body blow to Al Qaida. But his arrest has netted neither Osama Bin Laden nor Ayman Al Zawahiri or wrecked its ability to galvanise support as had been hoped.

Don't take Mohammed at his word

The most revealing aspect of Khalid Shaikh Mohammed's military tribunal testimony wasn't the detail about the many al-Qaida plots he claims to have orchestrated, but the insight it offered into the suspected Sept. 11 mastermind himself.

In an hourlong written and oral presentation to his military captors Saturday, Mohammed showed himself to be ambitious, boastful and, when given the chance, quite talkative and even thoughtful about his cause and his craft.

It was the first public glimpse of the man who has claimed credit for not only the deadliest terrorist attacks in U.S. history, but several dozen other plots as well.

But was Mohammed revealing the truth about himself and his deeds, or just playing to the jury?

Khalid Shaikh Mohammed

Chosen Path

What transforms a devout Islamic scholar into a dangerous and bloody-minded terrorist? In the case of Hambali, it may have been the radical teachings of his mentors, or perhaps it was his reaction to what he perceived as the "religious repression" of his native Indonesia throughout the 1970s and '80s. Either way he would eventually emerge as the most dangerous modern terrorist since Osama bin Laden and become a master at devising and commanding murderous attacks that would send shockwaves through Southeast Asia and the western world.



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Terrorism at Cafepress
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