THE MANAGEMENT & BOARD OF TRUSTEES OF THE FRONTIER GUARDS SERVICE LIMITED

ATTENTION: RECEIVER,

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN,

THE MANAGEMENT & BOARD OF TRUSTEES OF THE FRONTIER GUARDS SERVICE LIMITED,
WISH TO NOTIFY YOU THAT WE HAVE ROUNDED UP ALL NECESSARY CONSULTATIONS WITH
THE BACKLAYS BANK EXECUTIVES HERE IN LONDON, AS REGARD TO THE DELIVERY OF YOUR
CONSIGNMENT.IT IS OUR PLEASURE TO NOTIFY YOU THAT THE EXECUTIVES OF THE BANK
HAVE APPROVED YOUR CONSIGNMENT OF TWO BOXES,WHICH WORTH USD $2.5 MILLION AS
STATED ON FILE AND RECORD,BUT HAVE NOT GRANTED US AN ALLOCATION FOR THE
IMMEDIATE DELIVERY OF YOUR CONSIGNMENT.

THE COMPANY MADE IT MANDATORY THAT YOU HAVE TO FILL OUT THE DELIVERY
APPLICATION FORM AND PRESENT THE REQUIREMENTS AS STIPULATED IN THE FORM TO
ENABLE US PROCESS THE NECESSARY DELIVERY DOCUMENTS RELATED TO YOUR CONSIGNMENT
AND FOR IMMEDIATE DELIVERY TO YOUR DOOR STEP.

FINALLY,WITH THE LEGAL DOCUMENT WE CONFIRM FROM THE CENTRAL BANK,WE CAN
DELIVER YOUR CONSIGNMENT TO YOU AT THE NEAREST AIRPORT AT YOUR VICINITY.

ANTICIPATING YOUR IMMEDIATE COMPLIANCE WITH OUR OBLIGATION TO ENABLE US SERVE
YOU BETTER.

SIGNED,

YOURS FAITHFULLY,
MRS.JESSICA FRANK.

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FBI Director

ANTI-TERRORIST AND MONETARY CRIMES DIVISION
Website: www.fbi.gov
ATTENTION FUND BENEFICIARY,

THIS IS AN OFFICIAL ADVICE FROM THE FBI FOREIGN REMITTANCE/TELEGRAPHIC
DEPT.,IT HAS COME TO OUR NOTICETHAT THE C.B.N BANK NIGERIA DISTRICT HAS
RELEASED10,500,000.00 U.S DOLLARS INTO BANK OF AMERICA IN YOURNAME AS THE
BENEFICIARY, BY INHERITANCE MEANS.THEC.B.N BANK NIGERIA KNOWING FULLY WELLTHAT
THEY DO NOTHAVE ENOUGH FACILITIES TO EFFECT THIS PAYMENT FROM THEUNITED KINGDOM
TO YOUR ACCOUNT, USED WHAT WE KNOW AS ASECRET DIPLOMATIC TRANSIT PAYMENT S.T.D.P
TO PAY THISFUND THROUGH WIRE TRANSFER,THEY USED THIS MEANS TOCOMPLETE THE
PAYMENT.

THEY ARE STILL, WAITING FOR CONFIRMATION FROM YOU ONTHE ALREADY
TRANSFERRED FUNDS WHICH WAS MADE IN DIRECTTRANSFER SO THAT THEY CAN DO FINAL
CREDITING TO YOUR ACCOUNT. SECRET DIPLOMATIC PAYMENTS ARE NOT MADEUNLESS THE
FUNDS ARE RELATED TO TERRORIST ACTIVITIESWHY MUST YOUR PAYMENT BE MADE IN SECRET
TRANSFER , IFYOUR TRANSACTION IS LEGITIMATE,IF YOU ARE NOT ATERRORIST, THEN WHY
DID YOU NOT RECEIVE THE MONEYDIRECTLY INTO YOUR ACCOUNT,THIS IS A PURE CODED
,MEANSOF PAYMENT? RECORDS WHICH WE HAVE HAD WITH THIS METHOD OFPAYMENT IN
THE PAST HAS ALWAYS BEEN RELATED TOTERRORIST ACTS, WE DONOT WANT YOU TO GET INTO
TROUBLEAS SOON AS THESE FUNDS REFLECT IN YOUR ACCOUNT IN THEU.S.A, SO IT IS OUR
DUTY AS A WORD WIDE COMMISSION TOCORRECT THIS LITTLE PROBLEM BEFORE THIS FUND
WILL BECREDITED INTO YOUR PERSONAL ACCOUNT.

DUE TO THE INCREASED DIFFICULTY AND UNNECESSARYSCRUTINY BY THE AMERICAN
AUTHORITIES WHEN FUNDS COMEFROM OUTSIDE OF EUROPE, AND THE MIDDLE EAST, THE
F.B.IBANK COMMISSION FOR EUROPE HAS STOPPED THE TRANSFERON ITS WAY TO DELIVER
PAYMENT OF $10,500,000.00 TODEBIT YOUR RESERVE ACCOUNT AND PAY YOU THROUGH
ASECURED DIPLOMATIC TRANSIT ACCOUNT (S.D.T.A). WEGOVERN AND OVERSEES FUNDS
TRANSFER FOR THE WORLD BANKAND THE REST OF THE WORLD.

WE ADVICE YOU CONTACT US IMMEDIATELY,AS THE FUNDSHAVE BEEN STOPPED AND ARE
BEING HELD IN OUR CUSTODY,UNTIL YOU CAN BE ABLE TO PROVIDE US WITH A
DIPLOMATICIMMUNITY SEAL OFTRANSFER(DIST) WITHING 3 DAYS FROMTHE WORLD LOCAL BANK
THAT AUTHORIZE THE TRANSFER FROMWHERE THE FUNDS WAS TRANSFERRED FROM TO CERTIFY
THATTHE FUNDS THAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO RECEIVE FROM NIGERIAARE ANTI TERRORIST/DRUG
FREE OR WE SHALL HAVE CAUSE TOCROSS AND IMPOUND THE PAYMENT,WE SHALL RELEASE
THEFUNDS IMMEDIATELY WE RECEIVE THIS LEGAL DOCUMENTS
.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
We have decided to contact you directly to acquirethe proper verifications
and proof from you to showthat you are the rightful person to receive this
fund,because of the amount involve,we want to make sure isa clean and legal
money you are about to receive. Beinformed that the fund are now in United State
in yourname , but right now we have ask the bank not torelease the fund to
anybody that comes to them ,unless we ask them to do so,because we have to
carryout ourinvestigations first before releasing the fundto you. Note that the
fund is in the BANK OF AMERICA right now, but we have ask them not to credit the
fundto you yet, because we need a solid proof andverifications from you before
releasing the funds.

So to this regards you are to re-assure and proof tous that what you are
about to receive is a clean moneyby sending to us FBI Identification Record and
alsoDiplomatic Immunity Seal Of Transfer(DIST) to satisfyto us that the money
your about to receive islegitimate and real money. You are to forward
thedocuments to us immediately if you have it in yourpossession, if you don?t
have it let us know so thatwe will direct and inform you where to obtain
thedocument and send to us so that we will ask the bankholding the funds the
Bank Of America to go aheadCrediting your account immediately.

This Documents are to be issued to you from theWorld Local Bank that
Authorized the transfer, so getback to us immediately if you don?have the
document sothat we will inform you the particular place to obtainthe document in
United Kingdom U.K, because we havecome to realize that the fund was Authorized
by H.S.B.C Bank in London. An FBI Identification Record and Diplomatic
Immunity Seal Of Transfer(DIST) often referred to as aCriminal History Record or
Rap Sheet, is a listing ofcertain information taken from finger print submission
sretained by the FBI in connection with arrests and, insome instances, federal
employment,naturalization, ormilitary service.THESE CONDITION IS VALID UNTIL TH
OF 20THE OCT2008 AFTER WE SHALL TAKE ACTIONS ON CANCELLINGTHE PAYMENT AND THEN
CHARGE YOU FOR ILLEGALLY MOVINGFUNDS OUT OF NIGERIA .
GUARANTEE: FUNDS WILL BERELEASED ON CONFIRMATION OF THE DOCUMENT.


FBI Director
Robert S. Mueller, III

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The Vibrator !!!

As a woman passed her daughter's closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter with a vibrator.

Shocked, she asked:' what in the world are you doing?'

The daughter replied:' mom, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.'

The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzz coming from the the other side of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering the room, he observed his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator. To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter said:' dad I'm thirty-five, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.'

A couple days later, the wife came home from a shopping trip, placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from, of all places, the living room. She entered that area and observed her husband sitting on the couch, downing a cold beer, and staring at the T.V. The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing like crazy.

The wife asked: 'What the fuck are you doing?'

The husband replied:' I'm watching football with my son-in-law.'

Technorati Tags:the vibrator, vibrators, forwarded emails, email forwards, vibrator jokes, email jokes
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Whats UP !!!

Lovers of the English language might enjoy this. It is yet another example of why people learning English have trouble with the language. Learning the nuances of English makes it a difficult language. (But then, that's probably true of many languages.)


There is a two-letter word in English that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that word is 'UP.' It is listed in the dictionary as being used as an [adv], [prep], [adj], [n] or [v].


It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?
At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ? Why do we speak UP, and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends and we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.
At other times the little word has a real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.

To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.

And this up is confusing:
A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.

We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UPabout UP !

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP , look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4 of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions

If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP . When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it wets UP the earth. When it does not rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on & on, but I'll wrap it UP , for now ........my time is UP , so time to shut UP!

Oh...one more thing:
What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you do at night?

U P

Don't screw up. Send this on to everyone you look up in your address book.

Now I'll shut up

Technorati Tags:upstate ny, the word up, forwarded emails, whats up
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Peggy Ford GREETING

From. Peggy Ford.
Dear One.

Good Day, i know that this message will come to you as suprise, but is bord on genune business and that is while i contacted you for help.

I am Peggy Ford the the only child of the late Terry Ford, a farmer In Zimbabwe. I am contacting you for assistance due to the recent problems that we are facing in Zimbabwe.

After the last general elections in my country where the incumbent President Mr. Robert Mugabe won he adopted a very aggressive land reform programme. During this period of the and Reform Act of which many rich White farmers were killed, our farmland was attacked, looted and burnt down by militants sponsored by the dictator President Robert Mugabe and in the process my father was killed.

www.cnn.co m/2002/WORLD/africa/03/18/zimbabwe.farmer


Before his death, he had deposited the sum of €15,000,000.00(Fifteen Million) with a FINANCE COMPANY, as he foresaw the Looming dangers in Zimbabwe. The amount was meant for the purchase of new machineries and Chemicals proposed for new farms in Zimbabwe.

This cash was kept with the FINANCE COMPANY, for fear of seizure by the Government, as President Mugabe had declared war on white farmers.

I have been unable to travel to out due to the recent problems in our country Zimbabwe, I cannot secure a visa. It is due to this situation that I have decided to contact you for assistance to make claims of this fund from the FINANCE COMPANY, on bhalf of me.

As soon as you claim this fund you will transfer it into your account, deduct your share and secure my share until i come over to your country. For your assistance you will be entitled to 30% of the total fund.

Note that you will assist me invest my share of this funds in a profitable business in your country with your supervision.

Please get back to me immediately so we can proceed.
Regards and God Bless.
Peggy Ford

Technorati Tags:peggy ford, terry ford, zimbabwe, mr. robert mugabe, www.cnn.co m/2002/world/africa/03/18/zimbabwe.farmer
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The Last Will And Testament Of The Late Daniel Parker

Dear beneficiary

On behalf of the Trustees and Executor of the estate
of Late Engineer Daniel Parker I once again try to notify
you as my earlier letter was returned undelivered.

I hereby attempt to reach you again by this same email
address stated on the WILL. I wish to notify you that late
Engineer Daniel Parker made you a beneficiary to his WILL.
He left the sum of Seventy Million Pounds Sterlings
(£7,000,000.00 ) to you in the codicil and last
testament to his WILL.

Being a widely travelled man, he must have been in contact with you in
the past or simply you were recommended to him by one of his numerous
friends abroad who wished you good. Engr Parker until his death
was a member of the Helicopter Society and the Institute of Electronic
&Electrical Engineers. He was a very dedicated Christian who loved to be
involved in charitable projects. His great philanthropy earned him
numerous awards during his life time.

Late Engineer Daniel Parker died on the 13th day of December, 2004 at
the age of 80 years, and his WILL is now ready for execution.
According to him this money is to support your humanitarian activities
and to help the poor and the needy in our society.

Please if I reach you this time as I am hopeful, endeavour to get back
to meas soon as possible to enable me conclude my job.

I hope to hear from you in no distant time.

Yours in Service,

Barrister Jackson Williams.

EMAIL: jw_bar@yahoo.co.uk

Technorati Tags:beneficiary, daniel parker, email scams, engineer, jackson williams, jw_bar yahoo.co.uk, will and testament of daniel parker
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More Email Scams Pulled From My Inbox This Week 10/04/08

FRANKLIN MOYEZ & ASSOCIATES LAW FIRM
(MANAGING PARTNER).


Attn:Beneficiary,
On behalf of the Trustees and Executor of the estate of Late Gen. Farden
Benson ; I once again try to notify you as my earlier letter was returned
undelivered. I hereby attempt to reach you again by this same email address stated on the WILL. I wish to notify you that late Gen. Farden Benson made you a beneficiary to his WILL. He left the sum of Twelve million three hundred and forty thousand six hundred and fifty British pound sterling (12,340,650.00 GBP) Equivalently Twenty Four millions Five Hundred Thousand United State Dollars ($24,500,000.00 USD)to you in the codicil and last testament to his WILL.

Late Gen. Farden Benson died at the age of 80 years, and his WILL is now ready for execution.

Yours in Service,
FRANKLIN MOYEZ ESQ.
(Senior Principal Partner).

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Friend,

Good day and compliments, i know this letter will definitely come to you
as a huge surprise,I am Capt. Brian Morgan, a US Marine, serving in the
3rd Battalion, 25th Marine Regiment
which Patrols the Anbar province, Iraq.

I am desperately in need of assistance and I have summoned up courage to
contact you. I am presently in Iraq and I found your contact particulars
in an address journal. I am seeking your assistance to evacuate the sum of
$10,570,000 (Ten million
Five Hundred and Seventy Thousand USD) to the States or any safe country,
as far as I can be assured that it will be safe in your
care until I complete my service here.This is no stolen money and there
are no dangers involved.

Contact me via my private box: capt123456@gmail.com

so that I can furnish you with more details.
God bless America.

Respectfully,
Capt. Brian Morgan
United States Marine Corps. IRAQ (USMC)

_____________________________________________________________________

This email and any files transmitted with it are confidential and intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom they are addressed. If you have received this email in error please notify the system manager. Please note that any views or opinions presented in this email are solely those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of the company. Finally, the recipient should check this email and any attachments for the presence of viruses. The company accepts no liability for any damage caused by any virus transmitted by this email.

University of San Carlos, P del Rosario Street, Cebu City, Philippines, www.usc.edu.ph

----------------------------------------------------------------------

WE HAVE A JOB OFFER AVAILABLE FOR YOU IN RESPONSE TO YOUR INITIAL
REQUESTING THE JOB SEARCH DIRECTORY IS FOR USA/CANADA ONLY.WE BASED IN
UK.WE HAVE BEEN RECEIVING ORDERS FROM NORTHERN AMERICA,UK,AND AU WHICH WE HAVE NOT
BEEN ABLE TO PROCESS COMPLETELY SINCE WE DO NOT HAVE A PAYMENT RECEIVING
PERSONNEL IN THESE AREAS.WE HAVE DECIDED TO RECRUIT PAYMENT OFFICERS
ONLINE HENCE WE WILL BE NEEDING A REPRESENTATIVE TO PROCESS OUR PAYMENTS
IN THESE AREAS.if interested get back with this information,

Do You Have Equity Line Of Credit Account,Yes Or No, and if you have cc we can make the transfer as well.

FULL NAME AND FULL ADDRESS ( NO PO BOX ) STATE, CITY, ZIPCODE, PHONE NUMBER.

WHENEVER YOU RECEIVE PAYMENT YOU WILL GET 10% ON EACH. IF YOU GET PAYMENT
OF $3500 YOU WILL GET $350 FROM THAT AND GET THE 90% TO THE COMPANY.

GOD BLESS YOU/DAVIES MARK

Name: DAVIES MARK
Position: Payment Officer
Email: davies_mark212@yahoo.co.uk
Time 24Hrs Daily

----------------------------------------------------------------




--

Greetings!!!



Customers Service Hours--Monday to Saturday:

Office Hours Monday to Saturday:

Attention! Attention!! Attention!!!



We the management and staff of Multi-National Oil Company have your email

address as a winner in our annual email ballotting promotion and have

deposited a certified Bank draft of 800.000.00 United States Dollars with

the FedEx Courier Company for collection, but we did not hear from you

since that time. Then we went and deposited the Draft with FEDEX COURIER

COMPANY,West Africa.



What you have to do now is to contact the FEDEX COURIER COMPANY as soon as

possible to know when they will deliver your package to you because of the

expiring date. For your information,We have paid for the delivery

Charges,Insurance premium and Clearance Certificate Fee of the Cheque

showing that it is not a Drug Money or meant to sponsor Terrorist attack in

your Country.



The only charges you will send to the FEDEX COURIER COMPANY to deliver your

Draft direct to your postal Address in your country is ( 250 )Dollars only

being payment for Security Keeping Fee of the Courier Company . Again,don't

be deceived by anybody to pay any other money except 250 USD Dollars as

stipulated by the company.

We would have payed, but they said no because they don't know when you will

contact them and in case of any demurrage.You have to contact the FEDEX

COURIER COMPANY now for the delivery of your Draft with this information

below:



Send the following details highlighted below for reconfirmation:



1. FULL NAME

2. DELIVERY ADDRESS

3. PHONE NUMBER



The above informations should be sent to:



Name: Humprey Hill

Status: fedex Dispatch Director

Email Address:fedexcourierservicelimited04@yahoo.co.uk

Phone Number:+2348069350152



Finally, make sure that you re-confirm your Postal address(s) and Direct

telephone number to them again to avoid any mistake on the Delivery after

payment and ask them to give you the tracking number to enable you track

your package over there and know when it will get to your address that you

would provide.However,try to contact them as soon as you receive this mail

to avoid any further delay and remember to send them their Security Keeping

fee of only 250 USDollars for their immediate action.



Yours Faithfully,

Mrs Alan Rita

Secretary.

----------------------------------------------------------

Greetings!

I have been waiting for you to contact me for your Confirmable Bank Draft
of $14,000.00 United States Dollars, but I did not hear from you since
that time.

Then I went and deposited the Draft with UPS Delivery, West Africa, I
travelled out of the country for a 3 Months Course.

What you have to do now is to contact the UPS Delivery as soon as
possible to know when they will deliver your package to you because of
the expiring date.

For your information, I have paid for the delivering Charge, Insurance
premium and Clearance Certificate Fee of the Cheque showing that it is
not a Drug Money.

The only money you will send to the UPS Courier to deliver your Bank
Draft direct to your postal Address in your country is $63 US Dollars
only being Security Keeping Fee of the Courier Company so far.

I would have paid that but they said no because they don't know when you
will contact them and in case of demurrage. You have to contact the UPS
Courier now for the delivery of your Draft with this information below:

UPS Courier

Customer Service Officer: Ms. Larisa Blair
Office Address: 101231 MM Way, Wuse Zone III, Abuja, Nigeria.
Email Address: parcel@upscourier.co.cc
Phone: +2347036360026

Finally, make sure that you reconfirm your Postal address and Direct
telephone number to them again to avoid any mistake on the Delivery and
ask them to give you the tracking number to enable you track your package
over there and know when it will get to your address.

Let me repeat again, try to contact them as soon as you receive this
email to avoid any further delay and remember to pay them their Security
Keeping fee of $63 US Dollars for their immediate action.

You should also let me know through email as soon as you receive your
Draft.

Best Regards,
Prof. Rapheal J. Williams

------------------------------------------------------------

As-Salam'Alaykum,

My Name is Mr. Abdul Raham,i am 56years old. Am a citizen of Saudi Arabia, but i am resident in Cayman island. I was born an orphan in 1952. I have no father or mother, and i have no relatives.I struggled and Worked Hard and Almighty blessed me abundantly with riches. I used to be a dealer in gold, diamonds and tantalite. I have no wife but i happend to have a child of 5Yrs from my late wife who happens to die of Cancer of the Breast. For 2 years now i am seriously sick. I have been diagnosed with Cancer which was discovered very late, due to my laxity in caring for my health. It has defiled all forms of medicine, Right now I have only about a year to live, according to my
Medical Doctor. I have not particularly lived my life so well since after the death of my wife four years ago, as I never really cared for myself but the business. Though I am very rich, I was never generous, I only focused on my business as that was the only thing I cared for. But now I regret all this as I now know that there is more to life than just wanting to have or make all the money in the world. I believe when God gives me a second chance and heal me I would live my life a different way from how I have lived it.

Please i have sowed a seed for my healing; I have willed and given most of my properties andassets to my immediate orphans childrens and as well as a few close friends.I want God to be merciful to me and accept my soul and so, I have decided to give arms to charity Organizations and give succor and comfort to the less privileged of the Tsunami Victims, as I want this to be one of the last good deeds I do on earth. So far, I have donated money to Some charity organizations. Now that my health has deteriorated so badly, I Cannot do this my self anymore. I once asked a
close friend of mine to close one of my accounts in Saudi Bank and donate the money which I have there to charity organization and to the less Privileged in Bulgaria and Sudan-Africa he cashed the money but kept it only to himselves.

Hence, I do not trust him anymore, as he seem not to be contended with what I have left for him already. The last of my money, which no one knows of, is the huge cash of Twenty Two
million(22 Million US DOLLARS) deposited in the Vault of a financial institution in Europe for Safekeeping. I want you to collect this deposit on my behalf and disburse thus 30percent of the total amount among the Mudslide Earthquake Victims in Asia, Hurricane Katrina, Hurricane Rita, Hurricane Wilma and for the less Privileged, 30percent for you for your time and efforts and 40percent for my only child for his upbringing as you will be responsible for his education,health and other activities.

So i need your urgent reply so that I will not have to go on sourcing for a credible person to handle this project, please if this is what you Know that you can handle kindly respond back to me with the information below.

1.Complete Name
2.Contact Adress
3.Phone/Fax number
4.Age and occupation

Best Regards

Sarah Mohammed (Nurse)
For: Mr. Abdul Raham

-----------------------------------------------------------

your personal e-mail address, to winning number 04-09-18-43-55 (02),which won you £850,000:00 POUNDS.Contact : Sir Williams McMarthy, Email: powerballhouse@live.com and Claims details
Sincerely,
Mrs. Judith Diane H.

-----------------------------------------------------------

From Alexander Flockhart
Email: alex_flockhart009@yahoo.co.jp

Complement of the day,

My name is Mr.Alexander A.Flockhart I work with the Hang Seng Bank There is the sum of $30,000,000 in my bank Hang Seng Bank,Hong kong.

There were no beneficiaries stated concerning these funds which means no one would ever come for the claims.That is why I ask to you assist me so as to have the sum transfered out of my bank into your account.

Please email me back on:
alex_flockhart009@yahoo.co.jp
so we can commence all arrangements and I would give your informations on how we would handle this project.

Please treat this business with utmost confidentiality and send me the following:

Full names
Phone number
Address
Occupation
Age and Sex

Sincerely,
Mr Alexander A.Flockhart.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Hello,

I am a Civil Lawyer. I have a Client that has Interest in Investing in Your Country, can You be of Assistance?

I shall give Details when You Reply.

West Morgan

------------------------------------------------------------

Technorati Tags:franklin moyez & associates law firm, gen. farden benson, franklin moyez esq., brian morgan, capt123456@gmail.com, davies mark, davies_mark212@yahoo.co.uk, humprey hill, fedexcourierservicelimited04@yahoo.co.uk
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(SCAM) UK National Lottery WINNING NOTIFICATION:Mrs.Lizzy James (SCAM)

Here's another UK Lottery scam email to watch out for...

UK National Lottery
The Marina Offices, St Peters Yacht Basin,
Newcastle upon Tyne, NE6 1HX
England
Ref: UK/9420X2/70
Batch: 074/05/ZY345



WINNING NOTIFICATION:

We happily announce to you the draw (1155) of the U.K NATIONAL LOTTERY,
online SweepstakesInternational program.” Your e-mail address" attached
to ticket number:"56475600545 188" with Serial number" 5368/02" drew the
lucky numbers: 12. 17. 21. 25. 31. 37. [30] Bonus Ball’ which subsequently
won you the lottery in the 1st category i.e. match 5.
You have therefore
been approved to claim a total sum of “£4,000.000.00
(Four Million Pounds Sterling)” in cash credited to file "KTU/9023118308/03."
This is from a total cash prize of £12,000,000" shared amongst the (3)
lucky winners in this category i.e. Match 5 plus bonus. All participants
for the online version were selected randomly from World Wide Web
sites through computer draw system and extracted from over "100,000"
unions, associations, and corporate bodies that are listed online This
promotion takes place weekly.

Please note that your lucky winning number falls within our European
booklet representative office in Europe as indicated in your play
coupon. In view of this, your of "£4,000.000.00 (Four Million Pounds
Sterling)" would be released to you by any of our "payment offices" in
Europe.

Our European agent" will immediately commence the process to facilitate
the release of your funds as soon as you contact him.For security
reasons, you are advised to keep your winning information confidential
till your claims is processed and your money remitted to you in whatever
manner you deem fit to "claim your prize". This is part of our
precautionary measure to avoid double claiming and unwarranted abuse
of this program.
Please be warned.
To file for your Claim,Please contact our fiduciary agent below:
Mrs.Lizzy James.
Email: mrslizzyjames1@live.com
Tel: +447045700983

Sincerely,
Norris Wayner.

U.K NATIONAL LOTTERY Member Services
Sweepstakes International Program.
Warning! Fraudulent emails are circulating that appears to be using
National Lottery addresses, but are not from The National Lottery.
PLEASE REPORT IMMEDIATELY.

Technorati Tags:norris wayner, mrslizzyjames1@live.com, uk national lottery, the marina offices, st peters yacht basin, lucky numbers: 12. 17. 21. 25. 31. 37. [30] bonus ball, mrs.lizzy james, tel: +447045700983
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Barack Obama joke / Little Johnny Joke On Barack Obama

Presidential candidate Barack H. Obama was visiting a primary school and he visited

one of the classrooms. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and

their meanings. The teacher asked the presidential candidate if he would like to

lead the discussion on the word 'tragedy.' So our illustrious democrat presidential

candidate asked the class for an example of a 'tragedy.' One little boy stood up and

offered: 'If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a

tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy.' 'No,' said Obama,

'that would be an accident.' A little girl raised her hand: 'If a school bus carrying

50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy.'

'I’m afraid not,' explained Barack, 'that would be a great loss.' The room went

silent. NO other children volunteered. Obama searched the room. 'Isn't there someone

here who can give me an example of a tragedy?' Finally at the back of the room,

Little Johnny raised his hand. In a quiet voice he said: 'If the plane carrying you

and Mrs. Obama was struck by a 'friendly fire' missile and blown to smithereens that

would be a tragedy.' 'Fantastic!' exclaimed Obama. 'That's right. And can you tell

me why that would be a tragedy?' 'Well,' says little Johnny, 'It has to be a

tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss, and it probably wouldn't be

a fucking accident either!

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The Rules of Bedroom Golf

Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play,
normally one club and two balls.

Play on course must be approved by the owner of the hole.

Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in
the hole and keep the balls out.

For most effective play, the club should have a firm
shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft
stiffness before play begins.

Course owners reserve the right to restrict club
length to avoid damage to the hole.

Object of the game is to take as many strokes as
necessary until the owner is satisfied play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play again.

It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole
immediately upon arrival. Experienced players will
normally take time to admire the entire course, paying special attention to well formed mounds and bunkers.

Players are cautioned not to mention other courses
they have played or are currently playing to the owner of the course being played. Upset owners have been
known to damage a players equipment for this reason.

Players are encouraged to have proper rain gear, just
in case.

Players should not assume that the course is in shape
to play at all times. Players may be embarrassed if
they find the course temporarily under repair. Players
are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation.
More advanced players will find alternate means of
play when this is the case.

Players should assume their match has been properly
scheduled particularly when playing a new course for
the 1st time. Previous players have been known to
become irate if they discover someone else is playing
what they considered a private course.

The owner of the course is responsible for the pruning
of any bushes, which may reduce the visibility of the hole.

Players are strongly advised to get the owners
permission before attempting to play the backside.

Slow play is encouraged, however, players should be
prepared to proceed at a quicker pace at the owners
request.

It is considered an outstanding performance, time
permitting, to play the same hole several times in one
match...

Some people have no class.
Look at his tie, it is so yesterday

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Pictures of a Whitetail Deer Fawn and Horses

According to the email these photos arrived in,the mother doe came and collected the fawn after the horses had moved on...
Hope you enjoy
BJC

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R Kelly Found NOT GUILTY Of Child Pornography Charges

R. Kelly Is Acquitted in Child Pornography Case
CHICAGO — It took more than six years for prosecutors to get the R&B star R. Kelly into court on charges of child pornography. It only took a few hours for a jury to declare him not guilty on all 14 counts.
Mr. Kelly had been accused of making a 27-minute sex tape with an under-age female. But a high-powered defense team convinced the jury of nine men and three women that the identity of the girl was not conclusive.

R. KELLY TRIAL: GAVEL TO GAVEL
Before a verdict was reached in the R. Kelly child pornography trial, the judge denied a juror's request to be removed from the panel because of a recent string of family illnesses. Judge Vincent Gaughan told the juror that though he and the attorneys were sympathetic, the case was too important to turn back now.
The juror, an African-American man who attends culinary school, had sent a note to the judge about three hours into this morning's deliberations asking: "How can I be removed and go home? I really need to."

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Tim Russert Dead At Age 58 Of Apparent Heart Attack

Political journalist Tim Russert dies at 58
A host of pundits had predicted it for weeks. But somehow, Hillary Rodham Clinton's quest for the Democratic presidential nomination didn't truly seem doomed until May 6, when Tim Russert told the world Barack Obama would win the race.

About 16 years before, Mr. Russert made the same call for Clinton's husband, a scrappy governor from Arkansas. Mr. Russert also correctly called Florida as a battleground state in 2000 and coined the terms "red state" and "blue state" to explain America's ideological divide.

NBC Newscaster Tim Russert Dies at 58
Tim Russert, the veteran journalist best known as the moderator of NBC News' "Meet the Press," collapsed and died of a heart attack Friday while at work in Washington. He was 58 years old.
Russert, vice president of NBC News, was recording voice-overs for Sunday's edition of "Meet the Press" when he collapsed, NBC said in a statement.

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How to Make Dandelion Wine

from wikiHow - The How to Manual That You Can Edit

Dandelions are in season during the summer and spring months, but they lend themselves deliciously to a beverage you can serve year-round. April and May are the best months to harvest dandelions for the purpose of wine making in the Northern hemisphere.[1] Try it out and taste it for yourself.

Ingredients

• 1 package (7 g) dried yeast
  
• 1/4 cup (60 mL) warm water
  
• 2 quarts (230 g) whole dandelion flowers
  
  • Using 2 quarts+ of just the petals can make for a less bitter wine.[2]
    
  
  
• 4 quarts water (3.785 L)
  
• 1 cup (240 mL) orange juice
  
• 3 tablespoons (45 g) fresh lemon juice
  
• 3 tablespoons (45 g) fresh lime juice
  
• 8 whole cloves
  
• 1/2 teaspoon (1.25 g) powdered ginger
  
• 3 tablespoons (18 g) coarsely chopped orange zest; avoid any white pith
  
• 1 tablespoon (6 g) coarsely chopped lemon zest; avoid any white pith
  
• 6 cups (1200 g) sugar
  

Steps

1. Wash and clean the blossoms well. Think of it as a fruit or vegetable; you don't want bugs or dirt in your food. Remove all green material.
   
2. Soak flowers for two days.
   
3. Place the blossoms in the four quarts of water, along with the lime, orange, and lemon juices.
   
4. Stir in the ginger, cloves, orange peels, lemon peels, and sugar. Bring the mix to a boil for an hour. This creates the 'infusion' that will later become wine after fermentation.
   
5. Strain through filter papers (coffee filters are recommended). Let the infusion cool down for a while.
   
6. Stir the yeast in while the infusion is still warm, but below 110 degrees F.
   
7. Cover it and leave it alone, let it stand overnight.
   
8. Pour it into bottles, poke a few holes in a balloon and place over the tops of the bottles to create an airlock, to keep out unwanted wild yeasts, and store them in a dark place for at least three weeks so that it can ferment. At this point you now have wine!
   
9. Optional: Rack the wine several times. Racking means waiting until the wine clears, then siphoning or pouring the liquid into another container, leaving the lees (sediment) at the bottom of the first container.[3]
   
10. After that time, cork and store the bottles in a cool place. Allow the wine, time to age. Most recipes recommend waiting at least six months, preferably a year.[4]
    

Tips

• Pasteurization uses sixty-five degrees Celsius for half an hour to avoid changing character.
  
• Pick the flowers right before starting so they're fresh. Midday is when they are fully open.[5] Alternatively, you can freeze the flowers immediately after harvesting, then pull off the petals right before preparing the wine.[6]
  
• It may take more than three weeks for your wine to ferment if the temperature inside your storage area is cool. But be aware that fermentation at warmer than room temperature may change the taste of the wine, and can lead to higher levels of fusel alcohols, which have been known to contribute to hangovers. Warmer temperatures can cause many other problems like strong yeasty flavors, rancid odors and bacterial contamination. Generally fermentation should be done at room temperature or lower (50-75 F or 10-25 C).
  
• This recipe will produce a light wine that mixes well with tossed salad or baked fish. To add body or strength, add a sweetener,raisins, dates, figs, apricots, or rhubarb.[7]
  

Warnings

• Avoid using dandelions that may have been chemically treated. Also, try to stay away from dandelions that have been graced by the presence of dogs, or that grow within 50 feet of a road.
  

Things You'll Need

• Balloons
  
• Coffee filters or clean straining paper
  
• Empty, sterilized wine bottles
  
• Large beverage container to strain liquid into
  
• A large pot you can boil the dandelion mixture in
  
• A place to store the fermenting wine
  

Related wikiHows

• How to Cook Dandelion Greens
  
• How to Store Wine
  
• How to Pair Food and Wine
  
• How to Make Blackberry Wine
  
• How to Brew Simple Wild Berry Wine
  
• How to Make Strawberry Wine
  
• How to Brew Cheap Wine
  

Sources and Citations

• Texascooking.com - Source of information
  

1. ↑ http://winemakermag.com/feature/196.html


2. ↑ http://winemaking.jackkeller.net/dandelio.asp


3. ↑ http://www.thecompostbin.com/2006/05/how-to-make-dandelion-wine.html


4. ↑ http://winemaking.jackkeller.net/dandelio.asp


5. ↑ http://winemaking.jackkeller.net/dandelio.asp


6. ↑ http://www.thecompostbin.com/2006/05/how-to-make-dandelion-wine.html


7. ↑ http://winemaking.jackkeller.net/dandelio.asp

Article provided by wikiHow, a collaborative writing project to build the world's largest, highest quality how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Make Dandelion Wine. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.

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The Lone Ranger

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party.
The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honor
of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I
kill you, I will grant you three requests.
What is your first request?"

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."

The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger, who whispers
in Silver's ear and the horse gallops away.
Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his
back.

As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and
spends the night.

The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed.
"You have a very fine and loyal horse but I will still kill you in two
days. What is your second request?"
The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to
him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear.

As before, Silver takes off across the plains and disappears over the
horizon.

Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this
time with a brunette, even more attractive than the blonde. She enters the
Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.

The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed.
"You are indeed a man of many talents but I still kill you tomorrow. "What
is your last request?"

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse....alone."

The Chief is curious but he agrees and Silver is brought to the Lone
Ranger's tent.

Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him
square in the eye and says,
"Listen very carefully you dumb ass horse. For the last time . . . BRING
POSSEEEE"

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Carnation Milk - 65 YEARS AGO

A little old lady from Wisconsin had worked in and around her family dairy farms since she was old enough to walk, with hours of hard work and little compensation.

When canned Carnation Milk became available in grocery stores in approximately the 1940s, she read an advertisement offering $5,000 for the best slogan. The producers wanted a rhyme beginning with 'Carnation Milk is best of all.'

She thought to herself, I know all about milk and dairy farms. I can do this!

She sent in her entry, and several weeks later, a black limo pulled up in front of her house. A man got out and said, 'Carnation LOVED your entry so much, we are here to award you $2,000 even though we will not be able to use it!'

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The Koala and the Lizard !

A koala was sitting in a gum tree ... smoking a joint
when a little lizard walked past, looked up and said,'Hey Koala! What are you doing?'
The koala said, 'Smoking a joint, come up and have some.'
So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few joints.

After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was 'dry'
and that he was going to get a drink from the river.
The little lizard was so stoned that he leaned too far over and fell into the river.
A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard and
helped him to the side. Then he asked the little lizard,
'What's the matter with you?'
The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree,
got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.
The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked into the rain forest, found the tree where the koala was sitting finishing a joint. The crocodile looked up and said,
'Hey you!'
So the koala looked down at him and said,


'Shiiiiiiiiiiit dude...
How much water did you drink?'

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Two Blind Pilots

Two blind pilots were both wearing dark glasses. One is using a guide dog and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane. Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes and the engines start up.


The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming. The plane moves faster and faster down the runway and the people sitting in the window seats realize they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport. As it begins to look as though the plane will plough into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin.


At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly and soon all retreat into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands.


In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says, "Ya know, Bob, one of these days, they're gonna scream too late and we're all gonna die."

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For All The Big Brother Fans - James Zinkand and Chelsia (Hart)

Fame and Fortune From BB9

Chelsia Hart Is Miss Piggy

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Now You Can Wipe Your Ass On Hillary Clinton's Face !

Hillary Clinton

Are you sick of seeing "Queen" Hillary's face everywhere? Well, now you can put her next to her rightful throne - your own! A great gift for that Republican you know, or a gag gift for a Democrat! Her face is printed throughout the whole roll!

Or Maybe You Would Rather Wipe It On One Of These Guy's

Dick Cheney

Now the current VP is on TP! If you think he's full of crap, you can show it with this hilarious toilet paper. Show your disdain for the current administration - or give it as a gag gift!

Rush Limbaugh

Tired of Mr. Conservate - the self-proclaimed mouth piece of the right wing - filling up the airwaves? Now the big, fat idiot can meet your big, fat ass!

George Bush

Some would argue that this is the most appropriate media for displaying George W. Bush! Individually Shrink-wrapped.
With classic quotes... "They misunderestimated me," "We need an energy bill that encourages consumption," and "Bring 'em on"

GENERIC TOILET TISSUE for CHEAP ASSHOLES

We all know the type of person who buys the absolute cheapest toilet paper they can find. Well PrankPlace is pleased to offer our GENERIC TOILET TISSUE, this is actually real toilet paper labeled with this hilarious label. Makes a great gag gift, or even a funny practical joke by leaving it in your 'victims' bathroom.

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Statue of Liberty Photo

This is INCREDIBLE ! The picture was taken in 1918. It is 18,000 men preparing for war in a training camp at Camp Dodge in Iowa.A gift from our grandfathers...

Imagine how long these men had to stand in that one spot to set it up correctly.

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Hooked On Phonics

A Frickin' Elephant

Jake is five and learning to read.

He points at a picture in a zoo book and
says, "Look Mama! It's a frickin' elephant!"

Deep breath... "What did you call it?"

"It's a frickin' Elephant, Mama!

It says so on the picture!"

and so it does...



" A f r i c a n Elephant "

Hooked on phonics!

Ain't it wonderful?

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Tatoos and Piercings Taken to the Extreme

It seems that some people just can't get ink covering thier bodies or holes poked in every place they can think of. Maybe because I have none of either makes me just not able to understand the reasons behind doing this to your body but to each thier own. Anyway, I hope you enjoy these photos... BJC

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4 paparazzi chasing Britney Spears' car arrested for reckless driving

4 Britney Spears-chasing paparazzi arrested

Four paparazzi, all in pursuit of pop star Britney Spears, were arrested late last night on misdemeanor reckless driving charges, Los Angeles police said today.

The arrests were made after officers said they observed the four drivers speeding and making unsafe lane changes in the San Fernando Valley near Plummer Street and Woodman Avenue shortly before 11:30 p.m.




Britney's Wild Wednesday Night! Plus: 4 Paps Arrested For Chasing Brit

Britney Spears' wild nights continued on Wednesday, resulting in four photographers being booked for reckless driving while chasing Spears' car in the San Fernando Valley.

Kevin Federline's ex kicked off her night at L.A.'s Gaucho Grill, where she noshed on two beef empanadas, grilled salmon, spinach and rice and a Coke with paparazzo boyfriend Adnan Ghalib. And then they headed to Starbucks, of course!

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Adult Joke !!!

A woman is at home when she hears someone knock at the door. She goes to the door and opens the door to see a man standing there. He asks the lady "Do you have a vagina?"

She slams the door in disgust.

The next morning she hears a knock at the door and it is the same man and he asks the same question of the woman "Do you have a vagina". She slams the door again.

Later that night when her husband gets home she tells him what has happened for the last two days. The husband tells the wife in a loving and concerned voice "Honey I am taking tomorrow off to be home just in case this guy shows up again."

The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both run for the door.

The husband says to the wife in a whispered voice "Honey, I'm going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to see where he is going with it". She nods yes to her husband and opens the door.

Sure enough the same fellow is standing there and asks the same question. "Do you have A vagina".......

"Yes" she says......

The man replies. "Good! Would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's alone and start using yours ?"

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When is Britney going to Die?

We’ll all have a date with our maker someday, but like Amy Winehouse, Britney Spears just can’t seem to wait. A couple of years ago she looks stunning and was a wet dream for every man. But for some reason Britney also landed in a self-destruction derby. Guess her final breath and be crowned Mr. Or Mrs. Death. Winner will be rewarded with a PS3.

Use the form to guess Britney's final breath and be crowned Mr. Or Mrs. Death.
Winner will be rewarded with a PS3.

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